Sometimes it's the Little Things that Matter

I have had a great deal on my mind and heart lately. Though I knew there was despair in the world, I couldn’t have fathomed just how much the world is in darkness right now. More than ever before, my eyes are being opened to see just how many hurting people there are in this country and in the world. Society has brought us to where we are all living together alone. Does anyone truly know anyone else anymore? More importantly, does anybody care? Never in my life have I witnessed, firsthand, so much apathy, hatred and a nearly complete decay of morals, values, and ethics. It’s everywhere — from driving down the street to work to shopping at the grocery store. Everyone is so angry. Violent crime is rampant. When and how did we get to this point?

I have been hearing so many stories of people (especially teens) committing suicide because they don’t fit in and are bullied or teased relentlessly while others witness it and don’t do anything to stop it or to let that person know that they are not alone. It is so sad! I vividly remember being teased and bullied when I was younger. Fortunately for me, I had good friends, wonderful grandparents, and a church family to give me support. There are so many people out there that don’t have any support. They feel abandoned and alone and are made to feel like the world would be better off without them. What’s worse, a friend had posted a public service video on Facebook urging people to reach out to those that are the targets of bullying and teasing — someone actually said that “they need to grow a set and deal with it.” I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so hateful as to post such a comment. That person clearly doesn’t understand the problem and has no business even talking about it. Unless someone has been through it and experienced those feelings for themselves, they cannot possibly understand what that person is going through. It’s not about being “wimpy” and standing up for oneself. It’s about being hurt and afraid and feeling completely isolated. When everything they hear is negative, they are destined to feel that way. It also doesn’t mean as much when an adult, such as a parent or pastor, pays a compliment. Twenty compliments from an adult doesn’t mean nearly as much as one negative comment from a peer.

So how can we make a difference? It’s a complicated answer and it won’t be easy. To really have an impact means stepping outside of our comfort zones and reaching out to those in need of our love and support.

1. Bullying needs to stop, PERIOD. Bullies need to be punished and monitored. Their parents need to also be held accountable for their actions.
2. We need to learn the warning signs and how to tell when someone is in danger and thinking about suicide or violence. It may surprise you to know that it isn’t always the ones that you THINK are in danger that are, sometimes it is the ones that no one suspected. Words are powerful and peer pressure even more so.

Warning Signs of Suicide*

• Appearing depressed or sad most of the time. (Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.)
• Talking or writing about death or suicide.
• Withdrawing from family and friends.
• Feeling hopeless.
• Feeling helpless.
• Feeling strong anger or rage.
• Feeling trapped — like there is no way out of a situation.
• Experiencing dramatic mood changes.
• Abusing drugs or alcohol.
• Exhibiting a change in personality.
• Acting impulsively.
• Losing interest in most activities.
• Experiencing a change in sleeping habits.
• Experiencing a change in eating habits.
• Performing poorly at work or in school.
• Giving away prized possessions.
• Writing a will.
• Feeling excessive guilt or shame.
• Acting recklessly.

Only 75% of people that have committed suicide have shown warning signs. Any warning signs should always be taken seriously, no matter how trivial. For those that don’t show signs, I have to wonder if it is just because no one took the time to get to know them well enough to recognize the signs.
* Warning signs and statistics gathered from suicide.org.

3. We need to not only set a good example through our words, but through our actions. It is important not to say one thing and do another. We live in a culture of darkness where so many people are drowning — everywhere they turn all they see is darkness. We need to be a light in the darkness of others.

Matthew 5:16 – “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.”

One of my favorite verses in the Holy Bible. Do you know which is the most important word in the entire verse? Here’s a hint… it’s one of the smallest ones. It is the word “SO”. God doesn’t want us to be a match. He wants us to be be a BEACON, like a lighthouse warning ships of the jagged rocks ahead. Whether you are religious or not doesn’t matter, the principle still applies. You need to be inspirational and motivational to others.

I make a practice of smiling at everyone I possibly can. It is a small gesture really and I’ll be honest, sometimes I have gotten dirty looks and glares for doing so. I would be willing to wager, however, that there are some people that have been having a very bad day that my smile helped. It’s not always the big gestures that make the most difference. Sometimes its the little things that matter.

4. Don’t ignore the problem, it won’t go away. I think much of the problem today is a result of the issues being ignored or swept under the rug over the years.

5. Always treat others with love and respect even if they hate you for it and spit in your eye. No matter what, it doesn’t help anyone if you contribute to the problem. The next time somebody is rude to you or cuts you off in traffic, instead of getting angry, take a moment to blow off steam and then smile and let the world know that it didn’t get to you. Hopefully if enough people see your situations and reactions, they will begin to wonder and ask about why you are so peaceful.

At any rate, I hope this post has hit a nerve with you and I hope you are invigorated to do something about the darkness in our society. Stand up and make a difference!

Cheers!
~ Peter West

Make Your Time Count

This morning I awoke with an overwhelming sense of sadness. On the way to work, “You Raise Me Up” by Josh Groban came on the radio. It always makes me think of my grandfather. He was always my rock in life. Whenever I had any problems, I could go to him. It didn’t matter what the problem was, he was always there to give me a hug and words of encouragement. He was unwavering in his love and support. He always believed in me and in the man I would become, even when I couldn’t see it myself. He was my light in the darkness and it was he that first introduced me to the love of Jesus Christ. Without him, I think I might have been a lost soul. I wasn’t the only person whose life he touched. Whether you were family or a complete stranger, it didn’t matter to him. He treated everyone the same — with love and respect. If you ever needed him, he was there. He would have given you the shirt off his back if you were in need. Though he passed away in 1995, it still feels like it was just yesterday and I miss him just as much, if not more than I did even then. I was so blessed to have such a wonderful person and role model in my life.

When I look back over the course of my life, I see certain people that were there just when I needed them. Many of those people were teachers, some were pastors, others just friends or acquaintances. They were almost like mile markers in my life. The one thing they all shared was that they were all there when I needed them the most and they all believed in me and that I was meant to make a difference in this world. I often struggle, as many people do, with who I am and what I am supposed to be doing. With age comes wisdom and I have learned over the course of my life that true answers to life’s greatest questions come from two places — through prayer and by self-reflection. I think that the two are closely related, because I believe that God speaks to our hearts. Only by looking deep within ourselves and listening can we hear and understand our purpose and path for our life.

The greatest stressor in life is the struggle with self, especially when you know what you are meant to do and you are doing something else. I was born to be a writer. I know that to my very core. I was given the gifts that I was given so that I can make a positive change in the world through my written words. Yet society would tell me that I need a full-time job that pays the bills. I have a family — a wife, three daughters (two at home and one that lives with my ex-wife), and three cats. They need to be supported, so I work. I still spend much of my free time writing or thinking about my writing. Until the day I can be successful and have several books that are paying royalties, that is what I must do. I need to write just as much as the air I breathe. One refreshes my body while the other replenishes my soul.

Back to my overwhelming feeling of sadness. I got to work this morning and checked Facebook briefly and learned that a dear friend of mine lost her father unexpectedly during the night. I am convinced that this was the reason I awoke with the emotion that I did. Some people are lucky and get to have their loved ones around for most of their adult lives. Others, such as myself, lose loved ones far too early in life. None of my grandparents are living. My father passed away a couple of years ago. Outside of my own family (my wife and children), I have my mother, sister, brother, an uncle and an aunt still living. Yes, there is extended family (lots of cousins), but as far as immediate family mine is very small now. I have also lost a lot of friends over the years. Every death has been difficult. I know they are all in a better place, but that knowledge can only give so much comfort.

I guess the point that I’m trying to make is that no one ever knows when their time will be up. In the blink of an eye, a matter of moments, a loved one could be gone. Sometimes there is warning, often there is not. That’s why I would like to encourage everyone to make your time count. Don’t hold anything back because there might not be another chance. Cherish the ones that you love and tell them so. Make sure everyone you care about knows that you love them and that they matter to you. I think much of the reason why it is still so difficult for me with losing my grandfather is that I never got to say goodbye and to tell him that I love him. I know he knew that, but there is power in words and it is still important to tell people that you care. Maybe it is more for your own benefit than theirs to remind you of what that person means to you, but it is important nonetheless. Don’t let that happen to you — spend time with your family, friends, and everyone else that you love and let them know that you care and that they mean something to you. Life is a fragile thing and it can be taken at any moment without any warning, so just do whatever you can to make the most out of the time you are given and the time that you have with those that you care about. That way you won’t have any regrets.

Cheers!
~ Peter West